Are you wearing a sweater from the “Maybe Pile”? The “Maybe it was clean and just kind of fell on the floor, or Maybe it was dirty and just kind of fell out of the hamper”, but regardless… you’re wearing it…
Did reading that statement make you smile? Are you, too, wearing a Maybe sweater? Are you going “Oh, man. I’m totally in the Dirty Low right now”.
Fuck you, that’s not even close to the Dirty Low.
The Dirty Low is when you put the clean laundry on your bed in the hopes of making sure you fold them, and sleeping on top of them instead. Or beside them. Or just closing the door on them and sleeping on your couch. For a week.
The Dirty Low is when you leave the clothes you changed out of on the floor, and just step around them. For a week.
The Dirty Low, is when you order Chinese food (more on the issue of Chinese food later…) and leave it out because you’re determined to throw the rest away tomorrow because it was really disgusting that you ordered so much of it in the first place, and you ate so much already that you couldn’t possibly eat more ever again, AND THEN you eat it again the next day. After it sat out all night.
(Did I mention I live alone…? Yeah…)
But seriously, the Dirty Low is a scary thing. It’s the culmination of spending so much time alone in your apartment– or alone in your house, your room, your cupboard under the stairs…that you eventually begin to forget the basics of civilized living. The reason for spending so much time alone is immaterial; you work from home! OR you don’t work at all… You’re getting your phd! OR you’re grading incomprehensible phd thesis papers… It’s your exam period! It’s your period period… You’re single! No wait, you’re single…
Any and all of these are perfectly legitimate reasons for never leaving your dwelling. And when you never leave your dwelling, you begin to realize just how low your standards of, well, everything can go.
So what’s brings you out of the Dirty Low? The Dirty Low Point. Yeeeeeeeahh. There’s a Dirty Low Point. For example, and this is clearly hypothetical, I mean it’s not like this is the state of my kitchen floor right now…but for example the Dirty Low Point:
Dropping a plate and breaking it on the kitchen floor. And then picking up the biggest piece, in order to drop it and break that piece on purpose, and then, walking away and
forgetting about ignoring it for the rest of the day the next two days.
Dirty. Low. Point.
It’s bleak. I know. But it’s (kind of) okay, because from the depths of the Dirty, Low Point, blooms the budding leaves of the Clean Of Shame. Not unlike the Walk of Shame (for details on that, click here), the Clean of Shame involves you, disinfectant, and brutal awareness of how gross you’ve been living for the past… length of time…
I won’t judge you, if you won’t judge me.
p.s. You are SO encouraged to share your stories back. Leave a comment! Commiserate! Or pretend to commiserate, and then feel better by comparison that you don’t commiserate with me at all…